


outsider incident

by byungshin



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alternate Universe - Aliens, Comedy of Errors, M/M, Slice of Life, hopefully ill come make this better sometime, i literally wrote this a century ago, thats it lol, this is an attempt at comedy bbut its bad, zoro learning how to human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-05-26 15:53:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15004256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byungshin/pseuds/byungshin





	1. red face

On the eleventh of November, just five minutes before midnight, Sanji Blackleg's life changed.

It had started off as a normal day. He'd gone through all his daily routines, crawling out of bed, getting ready, stuffing some croissants in his mouth, and running off to work.

He'd arrived two minutes late, exactly on two past ten, and still had gotten yelled at and not to mention, kicked. He ignored the owner and his swelling shoulder as he greeted the shitty chefs and the delicate flowers having breakfast. He had a long day ahead of him today., Full-shifts always managed to tire the chef out but he wouldn't have it any other way.

After hours of cookingwith various smoking breaks inbetween, Sanji barely had the power to throw himself into his car. His was the car that was parked close to the restaurant, and he figured it wouldn't harm anybody if he took his time to have a smoke, or maybe three.

He turned on the radio set to his favorite jazz channel and lit his cigarette, taking a slow drag.. Sanji didn't know how long he had sat there, blowing smoke rings and emptying his mind, all he knew was that he was about to doze off when the radio started crackling. Balacing his cigarette between his lips, the blondfumbled with the buttons and swore. His car was fucking new! He'd kick them all the way to hell if it was already broken.

Sanji opened his window to let some of the smoke out and gasped when he felt a wave of heat brush his neck. He immediatly shut the window and took a deep, calming breath. He saw no fire or smoke up ahead but his breath hitched at the mental image of a burning Baratie right behind his back.

He got out of the car nervously, and released his breath when he saw the old building still standing. He then glanced around to search for the source of the overwhelming heat. Weather that was warmer than summer in the middle of November? Fat chance.

Sanji huffed in annoyance.e had better things to do than fight with natural phenomenons, he was no meteoroligist after all. He turned on his heel to return to his car when the ground started to shake. He wobbled between his car and the street, finally grasping a tree for balance. He was about to question what the hell he had smoked when he saw it. A freaking meteor, right above his head. Sanji gave a startled yelp, all of this was way too much for him to take in. Sanji closed his eyes, bracing himself for the worst.. The ground shook violently for a few seconds before it stopped and Sanji guessed the meteor had landed. He tried to calm himself by taking in a few calming breaths before he opened his eyes slowly, and spotted the meteor about fifteen meters away from him. Sanji let go of the tree and checked for anyone who came to see whatever the hell had happened, but there wasn't a soul in sight. He straightened his back and took a deep breath like he saw in his favourite sci-fi movies, and walked up to the meteor to inspect it.

The meteor was broken open, and Sanji could see it was more of a shell. He felt curiosity and adrenaline rise in him, did that mean it was a... a space egg, maybe? Could there seriously be something living, breathing in there? Or something he could cook, maybe?

Excitement boiling in him, Sanji reached for the meteor. He couldn't dare touch the rock, hell no, his hands meant more than his life and in no condition he would put them in danger, so instead he looked around for a fallen tree branch or any kind of stick he could use to poke whatever that was inside. Finding a branch that would serve him just right, Sanji slipped the wood into a crack, expecting some kind of resistance or maybe for something to get stuck on the branch. He leaned forward as the branch went deeper, and that was when something broke the walls of the meteor and Sanji fell backwards.

He tried to maneuver himself to the right, where there he could at least hit the pavement and not the meteor. His arms reached forward to protect his head from the impact as his eyes shut tightly. He waited for the pain, but none came. The blonde peeked through his fringe cautiously, and his eyes met something green. Sanji blinked furiosly as he tried to shove his hair out of his sight, was that really an alien? In all the movies he'd seen they were either an ugly gray or green, and honestly Sanji found the second option more fitting.

Finally coming back to his senses, the blonde realized that he was being hold. He thrashed and tried to wriggle out of the iron grasp but to no avail. The creature he could clearly see now was obviously confused and had no intention to let go. Sanji went limp under the humanish gaze, then he realized that it was indeed a human that was holding him. A very naked one. "You... You came out of the meteor... Did you...?" His questions remained both incomplete and unanswered as the green haired guy (he was seeing enough proof) only stared at him, his burrows furrowing. Sanji had no doubt that this was something extraterrestrial, but the resemblance to his kind was unsettling. Had he really made one of the biggest discoveries in the history of human kind? Were aliens actually no different than humans? Had his smokes contained drugs? Sanji didn't know.

"Oi," he tried again. "Answer me. Also, release me. I can stand now." The green haired man didn't reply but released Sanji hesitantly. However his hands remained on Sanji's coat, gripping it tightly.

"I'm not gonna run away," Sanji said, slightly bummed from the fact that even aliens had better reflexes than him, "you can let go. 'S okay. You hungry or something, I guess?"

The guy tilted his head slightly. "Han-gri?"

"You don't speak our language, of course..." Sanji thought about dragging the guy into the Baratie once again but decided against it. No matter how empty of an alley it was located in, a meteor had fucking fallen and it would take no time before authorities arrived. If he was caught like this, he'd surely be taken away for testimony, also the guy would be taken for experimenting. He had no idea why, but even thinking about the green head getting cut up made him sick to his stomach.

So, Sanji did what any other sane person would do, or so he thought. He stuffed the guy into his car and drove off to his apartment. After all, he had manners enough not to leave butt naked human-ish aliens in the cold to die. He turned on the radio and it kept on playing jazz like it never stopped. The music relaxed Sanji's brain which hurt from registering the events, the fact that he had something out of this world sitting next to him and listening to jazz while he drove home. Sanji had always liked sci-fi movies (after romantic ones, of course) and believed that somwhere in the universe there were aliens but actually driving home with one was like a child's dream coming true. Sanji slightly pinched his leg. No, he wasn't sleeping.

He pulled in his driveway and checked for his neighbors, coming home with a butt naked man wouldn't do his reputation good after all. Sanji opened the door and showed the guy in. Seeing him better light Sanji noticed the man was tan all around and well-built, and he couldn't help but think he'd do good in a wrestling match, Sanji would definitely bet on him. Standing in the middle of his living room with all his naked glory, he reminded Sanji horribly of some arrogant greek god. He made sure the guy wasn't having a panic attack or anything and dashed for his room to grab something for him to wear. No man with dick out could stay in house.

He huffed in annoyance as he realized most of his clothes wouldn't fit the being, but settled on some sweatpants and an over-sized shirt. Regretfully grabbing a pair of boxers from his pile, Sanji ran into the living room again.

The green haired alien was currently looking at a mirror, pinching his cheeks and squeezing his face, and Sanji slightly wondered if it was the first time he was seeing himself. He sure acted like it. He tapped the guy's shoulder and gestured to the clothes he laid on the couch, implying he should wear them. More like he must.

Sanji left the being alone for privacy, a body is a body, after all. He took out the chicken noodle leftovers he ate the day before and made small sandwiches in case noodles weren't enough. Pouring a glass of water, he balanced them all on a tray and decided he could excuse food crumbs in his living room for one day. He placed the tray on the table and raised his head to announce dinner, only he to choke with laughter with the sight of the guy.

The alien had one of his arms through the head section of the t-shirt and the other one right, the boxers rested upon his head much like a hat, and the sweatpants swept the floor as he had only his ankle in them. Sanji guffawed.

"You... I can't believe... Oh god," the blonde wiped tears from his eyes to only laugh more at the alien's deep crimson face, green head combined with a red face looking awfully like a tomato. A frowning one at that.

"I'm sorry," Sanji finally managed to say. His laughter hadn't totally died down but the alien didn't look like he wanted to skin Sanji alive anymore. Sanji approached the guy slowly, like he'd do with a wild dog, and snatched the boxers in a flash.

"Sit down," he ordered. The green haired guy walked to the nearest couch and plopped on it harshly. Sanji followed the man snickering, and peeled the sweatpants away. "Wear this first," he shook the boxers in front of his face. The guy took them grunted as he slipped the boxers on, only getting them on right after three tries. Sanji bit inside his cheek not to laugh while he handed the sweatpants over and he put them on with no problem, but after getting lost inside the tee several times, Sanji motioned for him to put his hands up and dressed him. That probably was what it was like having a child, Sanji thought, then winced at the thought of having a child that looked older than him.

He pushed the man to the table then, whacking his hands away everytime he tried to eat without silverware.

"No. No- I fucking told you, use the fork. F-O-R-K. I know you understand shitty green head. Stop attacking your relatives with your hands!"

That sentence worked a miracle and the alien gaped at Sanji. His dark gaze flickered between the salad and Sanji, who had not yet understood the situation.

"What? Why are you looking at me like I killed your parents?"

The alien gasped that time, and slammed Sanji into the wall, holding the spoon Sanji was trying so hard to make him use. The blonde gulped slowly and his mind raced back to his sci-fi movies again. Was he going to abducted? Had this green head not liked his food and decided to use his brain as substitute- No. Pfft. Someone not liking his food was impossible. But still, it didn't change the fact that he was pinned by a space-neanderthal, his choice of weapon being a spoon. Sanji wriggled and tried to pry the guy off, but he stood strong as an iron wall. "What the fuck you idiot!?" he finally exploded. "I take you fucking home and clothe you and feed you, yet can't you even not-attack me?" The green head snorted as he motioned to the salad with his head, the fixing his gaze firm on Sanji's again. Sanji thinked for one, two, three seconds before the coin finally fell, and he burst out in laughter one more time.

"Can-you-be-any-more-stupider?" he asked inbetween breaths, his body shaking under the alien's grip.

"Take a look at the fucking mirror, will you?" The guy raised his brow in confusion, and Sanji sighed.

"Your hair is green. So is the salad. Its a joke," he explained, slowly peeling himself off from the grip. "I didn't cook your family. I'm not a psychopath."

The alien took few steps back as his face reddened once more and he turned his head to the side, as if that could hide his blush from Sanji's gaze. The chef chuckled slightly as he motioned the man to the table once more.

"Eat now and we'll talk about, well, at least try to talk about you, okay?" The man nodded and grabbed a handful of chicken noodles, the silverware being only decor again. Sanji sighed.

"Next time, attack with a fork instead, brainless salad."


	2. shitty ass

The man and alien sat on opposite couches, both observing the other carefully.

"Where are you coming from exactly?"

The alien scratched his head as he pointed to the sky with a shrug.

"So fucking helpful," Sanji sighed. "Your name? You should atleast know how to say that, right?"

The green hair sighed as his eyes roamed across the room. Sharp black eyes stopped immediatly as they landed on a book. He picked the cooking book up and sat back next to Sanji, his fingers pointing somethings across the cover heatedly.

"Wha- What are you getting at?" Sanji yelled frusturated. Was the shitty alien making fun of his precious recipe book? Sanji had bought that from fucking France, the land of the best cakes and bake-

The alien hit Sanji's head with the book and snarled at him. He started motioning with the same pattern again, this time slower. Sanji followed his fingers, which were pointing at the same letters over and over again.

"O... R... O... Z... O... Orozo? Ozoro?" The alien face palmed and showed four fingers.

"Zoro?" Sanji finally said. "Is your name Zoro?" The green head nodded.

"It fits you," Sanji said approvingly. "You like showing me things then, eh? Come, lets see your planet." Even that sentence made Sanji choke a little.

Sanji opened his laptop and searched for the Milky Way. His hands were trembling, and he couldn't quite decide if it was from excitement or something else. He showed the planets to Zoro once, twice, three times. Zoro didn't seem to recognize any of them.

"C'mon, grass head, don't you know where you come from?" Zoro shook his head in reply. Did that mean he didn't know or that he didn't come from any of those planets? Was it even possible to travel such distance? In a meteor nonetheless? It didn't seem very possible to Sanji.

Zoro yawned and Sanji decided it was enough for that day. He tugged on the alien's arm and led him to the guest room. "Sleep," he simply stated. Zoro just blinked.

"This is a bed. You should know that. Didn't you have a bed back home?"

At the word home, Zoro winced. He started drawing a big circle with both his arms, poiting to the middle of it once he was sure Sanji understood.

"The meteor? How long have you been in it?" Zoro shrugged.

"You know what, whatever," Sanji ran a hand through his hair. "Just know this. This a bed. Humans sleep here. You will also sleep here. C'mon, don't make me tuck you in."

Sanji however, had to lift the covers prepare the bed as the man didn't move a bit. He pushed Zoro into the covers harshly, and covered him up.

"There we go. Sleep. Zzzz. Get it? Or do you need bedtime stories also?" Zoro blinked at Sanji before closing his eyes and turning to his side. Sanji watched him for a few seconds before turning the lights off and going to sleep himself.

Sanji's eyes shot open at the brawling next door. From the darkness surrounding him, it was obvious they were still in early morning hours. He groggily pulled himself up from his bed to check on the man, whom he was sure was making the noises.

Entering the room without a warning, he hardly detected the body struggling with a blanket on the floor. Sanji sighed as he turned on the lights.

"What now?"

Zoro obviously wanted to answer as his tugs on the blanket became harsher and he desparetly tried to break free of the fabric hell. The cook had to bite on his lip not to laugh. Sanji eventually joined in the stuggle, trying to pull the cloth off the man as he continued to wrap it around himself even more. The chef grunted as the alien pulled on his hair and lost his balance. Doing a wobbly dance midair, the gravity eventually won and Sanji fell down with a thud.

He landed atop of the alien, whos face was still covered but his eyes. Sanji opened his mouth to yell at the alien but seeing the enemy-ish(?) look he gave, Sanji shut up. The blonde quickly scrambled off, setting Zoro free of the blanket in process.

"Sorry," he mumbled. He didn't know why he was sorry, or why he was supposed to be sorry, it was an accident after all, but Zoro continued to stare at him like Sanji tried to bite his head off. The chef sent an unamused glare at the alien. If he wanted to cut him up he would have done it by now. He rubbed his shoulders. For someone who couldn't even talk, the guy surely got on his nerves.

Sanji turned on his heels and stopped at the door frame, "Was there a reason why you were doing... whatever that was, or just for fun?"

The alien blinked twice before his face twisted and he started jumping in place. "Seriously? What now?" groaned Sanji, seriously wondering why he hadn't left the guy to freeze after all.

Zoro continued to jump and moan while Sanji silently pitied himself. The alien was a huge pain in the ass, but Sanji couldn't trust his capability of taking care of himself. He eyed the man from head to toe and noticed the tightly fisted hands near his crotch. "Don't tell me you need to pee."

Zoro continiued to look puzzled and Sanji couldn't help but smirk. A baby's mind stuck in a grown man's body, thats what he was. He mentally noted that the man didn't even know what peeing actually meant, so he probably hadn't fully understood what Sanji said until now, but was able to choose out words he knew and made a meaning out of those. Sanji could try to speak with a simpler language.

"Toilet. Follow. Me."

From the corner of his eye could see that Zoro had very well understood what he was doing and he could see the annoyed look he was giving. Sanji pushed him to the bathroom and instructed him to remove his pants, once he was out of the bathroom of course. He prayed Zoro could atleast aim, as cleaning alien pee five in the morning didn't make it to his top ten free time activities. He heard the faint shuffling of clothes and entered the room, this time to order Zoro around between towels and soap.

The alien left the room with a happy sigh and a smile, trailing behind Sanji who led him back to his room upstairs.

"Seriously... Its just resudiary water, you green bean. Stop smiling like an idiot."

Zoro lightly showed Sanji with his shoulder but let the man throw the covers on him again.

"Next time, hold it."

Zoro just grunted before turning to his side and Sanji huffed. He had a rough time ahead.

The next morning, Sanji woke up grumpy and tired. He actually wanted to blame it all on the alien's night antics, but something in the corner of his mind screamed at him that that was only one percent his fault. Truth to be told, Sanji had been tired for a long time. He loved cooking and the Baratie to his bones, he loved the happy expressions caused by his food and of course the best part, ladies, but even the best of the chefs could need a break sometimes. Sanji had been trying to ignore the ache of his body but now he also had one more problem, he couldn't leave Zoro alone in his house, as he would surely either die or burn down everything. It wouldn't be bad if he took a break also. He was sure he'd miss the kitchen, or even the shitty chefs terribly, but laying on the sofa with a hot chocolate didn't sound bad right now.

After fifteen minutes of constant yelling in the house, Zoro finally stirred and woke up. His brain panicked for a second before he remembered what had happened the earlier day. He had been out of the damn meteor, finally! Zoro didn't remember how long it had been, but it had been more than enough for him.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the human scream. The blonde was speaking much faster than Zoro could keep up with, but it was obvious the man was angry. He lazily pushed himself up and went inside to check on the other, as those screams were familiar.

Zoro peeked from the doorway and saw the human shouting into a little box in his hand, his hair was flailing around like crazy and Zoro wondered if he was crazy. Little boxes like those didn't usually get him angry.

Zoro managed to make out a few words like, "never", "working", "day", and "cooking", but that didn't give him any clue why the human was so angry. So, Zoro rested against the wall and waited soundlessly until the human finished his yelling about ten minutes later, a smile finally forming on his face. He turned around and yelped when he found Zoro staring at him. Trying to cover up the fact that he had just yelped like a little girl, Sanji hit Zoro's head and yelled, "The fuck are you doing, asshole? Don't sneak up on me like that!"

Zoro first hissed at him and Sanji thought maybe he took it seriously, then Zoro just shrugged and stared at Sanji's hands. Now that it was closer Zoro could see some symbols on the box, also a shining square. Sanji followed the mans gaze to his phone and raised his brow.

"Have you been listening?" Zoro didn't reply to that, and Sanji continiued to stare at him, annoyed. "I took vacation so you won't die when I'm gone," he explained and Zoro nodded curtly. "I'll teach you a few things so you can take care of yourself when I go back to work, I don't know how long you'll be around, so..."

Actually, the man could disappear right now, in front of his eyes with a beam and Sanji wouldn't even think it was that weird. None of what was happening made sense. Sanji wondered when the man would go back, or if he would. He didn't know shit about Zoro beside his name and the obvious. He had no idea what he had to do, as the man couldn't stay forever. Ah, why wasn't it a beautiful space lady that had fallen but this brute? Then Sanji could teach her how humans spoke, how they act, and even how they love... But no, instead he had to teach a green head how to not starve to death and ruin his home. It wasn't fair.

Sanji headed to the kitchen motioning Zoro to follow him. The earlier, the better, he thought, as the shitty old man had only given him ten days of rest. Sanji could probably raise that to two weeks but he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

He stopped in the middle of the kitchen and Zoro's chest bumped slightly at his back. "Watch your steps, shitty green head," he hissed. He wondered if Zoro would reply like him if he could.

"This is the kitchen. Its the place where you cook things to eat. I'm a chef. Chefs cook for people."

"Cook," Zoro quietly repeated.

"Yes yes, good. Now, watch here, this is a knife," Sanji held out a bread knife carefully, "its dangerous so remember this, don't fucking cut yourself with it. Understand? Don't play around with those. Don't even touch them unless completely necessary. I'll leave food for you anyway."

Zoro nodded dismissively and Sanji wanted to kick his brains out for not taking this seriously, but the green head could hurt his precious cooking utensils when he fell, which was something he would not have.

"The stoves are banned for you. Under no condition, you are going to touch them or I swear I'll shave your head at ni- WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Zoro sheepishly turned around with a knife between his teeth and two other in his hands. "Spit it out, idiot! Are you out of your mind?"

Zoro bat stronger on the knife as Sanji pulled on it lightly. "You stupid idiot! What happens if you do a wrong move and cut your mouth or something? Oi! This isn't a game! Let go, Zoro!"

The green haired man resisted even more and Sanji was staring to get angry, was his IQ that low? He always had thought aliens were smarter than his own kind but the one right there obviously hasn't got a single brain cell.

Sanji let go of the knives handle and carefully gripped on the metal. "Look Zoro, calm down, this is dangerous for you and I'm only going to-"

Sanji didn't even see the man move before his right hand began to sting and blood dripped on his marble flooring. He had cut him. The bastard had fucking cut him.

"You... HOW DARE YOU?" Zoro winced and jumped back as Sanji threw himself over him. "All my fucking life, all my fucking I avoided any kind of scars on my hands! Do you know how important hands are for a chef? They are our whole life, Zoro, but you can't know that because you can't even listen to me, can you? I've been trying to fucking to get you used to being but all you ever did was to push me away, and now this? You fucking know what? If you don't want to be here, then go fucking leave! I never told you to stay! Go! Leave!"

Sanji stormed off the kitchen to the bathroom to check on his wound and see if it would heal properly. By the amount of pain he felt he'd probably need stitches. He clumsily opened his first aid kit and found the antiseptic, the liquid burning the wound blindingly.

He somehow heard the floorboards creaking and a few seconds later he could see Zoro at the entrance. Was the bastard going to leave another mark before he left? Sanji snorted.

"Go away."

Instead, Zoro walked next to Sanji and grabbed his hand, inspecting it closely. Not even looking at the dumbfounded chef once, Zoro picked up Sanji's needle and thread. Sanji kept quiet during the whole process despite the pain felt and watched how good of a job Zoro did, then the man left with no other interaction.

Sanji wrapped a bandage around his hand for safety but had to start again several times as he couldn't concentrate. His mind was occupied with Zoro, and how nothing he did ever add up. It was obvious the cut wasn't a mistake, hell no, but then, why would anyone come back to heal the person they wanted to hurt in the first place? Sanji tightened his sloppy bandages with his teeth and exited the batroom, the mess not bothering him for the first time.

"Zoro!" he yelled. He knew the man couldn't answer, but hopefully he'd follow Sanji's voice.

"Come here!" The eerie silence made Sanji shiver. "Oi, Zoro, where are you?" The chef started checking the rooms and each empty one made him panic even more. His words played in his mind. Had the idiot seriously...?

Sanji ran downstairs and to the door hurriedly. The brain dead vegetable head hadn't even closed the door. Sanji started pacing in his porch. Should he go after the man? But wasn't getting rid of him better? Wasn't that what Sanji wanted? But could he live if Sanji didn't help him? He couldn't even speak!

Sanji didn't bother to put on his shoes before leaving the house. "Seriously a kid," he muttered as he took a turn. Going west would get him in the city, and east would be just woods. Which way would he choose if he were stupid?

Zoro kept his eyes fixed on the ground as he walked. He understood the human didn't want him anymore. It didn't bother him that much, but no matter how much he rubbed it, something in his stomach didn't stop feeling weighed down. He raised his eyes slightly to check for anything he could understand. There were a lot of houses which looked like the one he left, and Zoro briefly wondered if humans have no creativity.

He took a turn and realized the way had turned more rocky. The houses and lights had began to lessen and it relieved Zoro to no end. It had been very, very hard not to punch anyone while everybody kept bumping into him. Zoro entered a dirt road which had brief footsteps, following the path into a big field. Zoro could see green things on brown sticks reaching where the sky began and beyond. A voice in his mind whispered "Trees," and he whispered the word out loud. They looked so strong and graceful, Zoro found himself touching one of them's trunk. He walked deeper into the woods and eventually sat down under a shade. His eyes shut slowly and the alien let himself fall asleep.

Sanji returned from the city, biting his lip. He had been wrong after all, as he had tried everywhere, everywhere possible, but still hadn't found him. Asking for a green head wasn't possible either, well anymore, he had grown tired of the weird looks.

Defeated, Sanji decided to return home, hoping maybe he'd find Zoro there. He had taken responsibility for the man and now not even knowing where he was irritating. Sanji fidgeted as his eyes danced between the dirt road and his house. Groaning loudly, he let the alien steal one more hour from him, keen on giving up on him if still not found.

The blonde jogged to the woods, tired and panting. He was mad at himself for not seeing this coming, but also mad at him the alien. A person who just got fucking sliced and stitched shouldn't be chasing someone, and someone who was actually responsible for it. Truth to be told, Sanji wasn't sure why he was following the guy anyway. Maybe he pitied him, yeah, that was probably it.

Sanji slowed his pace when the trees fully surrounded him. He took a second to just breathe in the familiar scent of pines he loved so much, one of the main reasons why he paid so much for the house that's both near the woods and the city. Sanji called out to the alien and wandered around the forest, trying to reach as far as possible. After a throat-splitting hour of shouting, he finally found the man.

As hard as it was to find Zoro between all the green and brown, Sanji still saw the dark red t-shirt and unmatching blue sweatpants he gave him. "Zoro! Come back here you shithead!"

The green head opened his eyes slowly and Sanji realized the man had been actually fucking sleeping while he was running around and shouting like a madman, and he got even more annoyed. "You piece of fucking shit, at least don't sleep when you're running away from someone!"

Zoro raised his head and started to look around frantically. "I'm right here, asshole!" Sanji yelled again but Zoro failed to find him again. "Just follow my voice!"

Zoro seemed to listen to Sanji and stood up, only to wander off to the wrong direction. "Are you fucking stupid? I'm here!" This time he waved his hands for effect but Zoro failed at seeing that too, and Sanji never wanted to facepalm harder in his life. "Fucking stop okay, I'm coming."

Jumping over branches and roots, Sanji started to pull the man back to his house. "I'm not mad," he said when he realized the alien refused to look at him, "Not anymore, at

least. Just... Be good and don't cause me trouble, alright? Alright."

Zoro scratched his cheek and nodded. Sanji sighed at the man's behaviour but he hoped Zoro would stop his wildness. He let the man into the house and locked the door, just in case. Zoro stumbled over to the kitchen and left it a second later, heading for the living room this time. "Weird," Sanji muttered but gave it no thought as he followed the man inside.

"So," Sanji started, "I'm gonna teach you how to speak. But because I can't focus on this entirely, you need to work on your own also. Now, try to tell me something. Anything."

Zoro furrowed his brows and didn't reply for a moment before his eyes lit up like a problem child who just got an idea.

"Shitty cook," Zoro stated and relaxed against couch with a sly smile, enjoying the gape the other was giving him.

"You- How do you- Stupid green headed bastard!" The rest had been a blur for Zoro as the nameless guy had began speaking in the speed of light, but then again, Zoro didn't need to hear a word to know what he was saying.

The blonde continiued to give Zoro unhappy glares and the alien was more than satisfied. How he wished he knew another insult to throw at him but he couldn't find anything, "shit cook" wasn't good enough. His eyes met the other playfully, taking in all the irritation he created.

Sanji eventually dropped the subject and turned on the TV. A shitty soap opera was on but it didn't matter. "Do you understand?" he asked, ignoring the wide-eyed gaze Zoro was showing. Two people had been confessing their love for about fifteen minutes when the sap began to be sickening even for Sanji, and he changed the channel in the middle of their make out. Zoro made a sound which sounded awfully like a protest, and Sanji prayed whichever god listening not to have birds and bees talk. "You don't need this shit now. Maybe later," Sanji clicked his tongue. Settling on a cartoon which probably would cause him less headache, Sanji left the ogling man alone in the room. He could be on break but he still had recipes he wanted to try. He could buy Zoro 3+ books later. "Try to learn something!" he yelled before disappearing into the kitchen.

Sanji remembered to check on the man about an hour and a half later. He hoped Zoro atleast could prounounce simple things like "please" or "thank you", but what be didn't expect was to find the said man sprawled on his couch, sound asleep.

"Oi!" Sanji yelled as his foot connected with the man's torso. Zoro made a funny "Auogh" sound and sat up instantly, rubbing his stomach and staring at Sanji with confusion written all over his face. "I didn't fucking tell you to sleep stupid grass head!"

Zoro just yawned, letting Sanji see every little inch of his throat and the blonde aimed for his head that time, but Zoro dodged. Surprised by the man's ability, Sanji tried again, this time aiming his chest and moving faster. Zoro stopped his foot with one hand and smirked at him. Cocky bastard.

"Don't get flattered, asshole. I can beat your shitty ass anytime."

Zoro gave him an disbelieveing gaze and Sanji would kick the expression out of his face if not for his food. Upon hearing the familiar beeping sound, he scattered to the kitchen and ignored the faint chuckles. Unbeknownst to Zoro, Sanji had already finished him. Zoro would wish he never came down to planet earth.

"Usopp," he said once he was out of the idiot's hearing range. "I need a favor. Grab Luffy, tell him I cooked meat or something. Yes. Don't freak out when he reach here, okay? Gotta go."

Sanji rubbed his hands together as he imagined what the salad would go through that night. Oh, he was going to have so much fun.


	3. adults conversation

The doorbell rang and Sanji danced to the door to open it. Finally, the ultimate headache-giving team had arrived. Sanjj had never been happier to see the meat devouring machine and the liar.

"Usopp! Luffy!"

The long nose nodded his head to greet him while Luffy jumped on him, cutting his breath out with a bear hug while yelling "You're gonna cook for me right? Its meat right? Meat! I love Sanji's food!"

Sanji peeled the overly excited ball of energy off himself and sent him to the living room with a kick, knowing he wouldn't listen what he had to say anyway. Usopp on the other hand followed Sanji to the kitchen, ignoring Luffy's yelling. "Is your hair green? Reaaally? AwesooOoOome!"

Usopp seated himself and gradually took the drink Sanji gave him. Trying to keep Luffy on a straight route was a job only for the strongest of the strongest.

"I... Have seen any news on a meteor lately?"

Usopp choked on his brave drink and eyed Sanji. The chef had that look in his eyes. He saw that glint when Luffy ate all of their food apologized laughing, knowing what he did was wrong but not regretting it at all. Usopp knew that look all too well and if it promised something, that was trouble. Still, he had to keep his composure, a brave warrior never showed weakness, after all.

"No," he said finally, releasing the straw he was chewing and rolling it around his fingers. "Why?"

"I see, they're keeping it a secret then," Sanji mumbled more to himself. Usopp frowned.

"Sanji-kun, what have you done?" Sanji laughed nervously.

"I saw a meteor fall. I mean, it fell in front of me, literally! So I went to check it out, because you know, you don't see this shit everyday. Anyway, it was really huge and then I realized it was more like an egg, then, he came out." Sanji cut off himself and he lit a cigarette. Usopp continued to watch him before Luffy gave another delightful scream and the pieces fit together.

"Do you mean there is something next door? And that something came from space?"

Sanji nodded.

Well, so much for being a warrior.

Usopp started to hyperventilate and yell at the same time.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS? OI SANJI, THIS ISN'T GOOD, IT ISN'T GOOD AT ALL!"

"Like I don't know, shitty long nose."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?"

"I don't know. Anyway, stop your screaming and come with me, he's not that scary."

"I believe I have I-can't-leave-this-room disease. I wish you the best, Sanji-kun."

"Why are you even trying? C'mon, you're supposed to be helping me."

Even tough Usopp had done his best dead impression, the chef didn't give up and waited

Usopp lifted himself up and tried to calm down before meeting this... alien. He honestly wouldn't believe it if it was anyone else telling him this stuff, but the man could detect a lie kilometers away and he knew none of his friends had mental problems. Well, maybe except Luffy, but then again his screams were the comformation for Sanji's story. So, the liar did his best to stop his knees from shaking and trailed behind Sanji into the living room.

Now, he expected similarities and differences, but if he were to see the guy on the street, he'd probably just jump out of his way paying him his dearest respects, silently praying he wouldn't kill him. A tanned, bulky man with three piercings stood with his back facing them. Usopp guessed he was about Sanji's height but much more muscled than Sanji, giving him another reason to worry, for both himself and Luffy. He jumped slightly as the man slowly turned to face them and Usopp prayed all the gods he could name that guy wasn't able to shoot lazers with his eyes.

However once more Usopp was very surprised. The man turned around with a loud "Hnnngh!" and a Luffy cluchting his face. Usopp deadpanned and Sanji laughed loudly while they watched the two wrestle, the alien winning and throwing Luffy on the ground before distancing himself quickly. Usopp then thought he just looked like a big cat, hiding behind the dining table and hissing whenever Luffy tried to near him again. Sanji was going hysteric next to him, clearly had reached his goal. The alien turned on his gaze towards them then, and Usopp didn't even see the man move before Sanji was pushed against the wall. His smirk didn't fade though.

"Violent, are you again moss brain? Let me down."

"Moss brain" didn't seem to listen to Sanji as his grip on his collar tightened and Usopp noticed Sanji's feet leaving the ground.

"What? I'm not gonna apologize to you. This was for your shitty sense of humor."

Both men glared at eachother in eerie silence and Usopp wanted nothing more than to run away and never see these lunatics again, but his feet didn't cooperate. Eventually the grenn hair released the smug-looking Sanji and dodged Luffy's arms, serenely sitting back on the couch.

"Shitty cook."

It was hard holding Sanji back, especially when he screamed bloody murder.

Usopp managed to take Sanji back into the kitchen with Luffy. He'd rather having Luffy chew on his arm rather than attacking something extraterresterial that might just shoot lasers from his eyes, thank you very much.

Sanji gave Luffy something to munch on and turned back to Usopp with a helpless expression.

"Why do I feel like I'm raising an emo kid? And those were his first words! He called me shitty once more before you arrived, which is why I'm letting Luffy attack him," he threw the guy a sideway glance, "I was hoping maybe Luffy could be friends with him, since he befriends literally everything." He waved his hand dismissively. "Can you believe he called me shitty!? Ungrateful little shit! He can't even say his own name!"

Usopp scratched his nose sheepishly. "Well you know, "shitty" and "cooking" are proably your most used words, Sanji. He must've picked them up easily."

"He can use my fucking name!" Sanji hissed then. "He could've been cut open by now, you know."

Usopp raised his hand defensively. "I'm not going into how many laws we- no you're breaking now Sanji. Sure it's nice of you to take care of him but if you're complaining so much, why is he still here?"

Sanji carressed his injured hand. Neither Luffy or Usopp had noticed the bandages and honestly Sanji was thankful for that. "I took him in, Usopp. Literally. I can't be a diva now kick him out like an unwanted puppy. He's my responsibility." Usopp sighed.

"If you say so, but he seems pretty dangerous to me."

"He won't do anything," Sanji replied. "Luffy, are you done with that?"

"Yeah! You know Sanji, your friend is cool!Especially those shiny things on his ears!"

"Earrings, you mean." Sanji had noticed those but kept his mouth shut about them. They looked like gold but he wasn't sure if gold existed wherever he'd fallen from. Still, they showed the greenie had been in a civilized place for at least a while.

"Yeah those!" Luffy yelled enthaustically. "Aren't they just awesome?"

"Yes, yes," Sanji brushed off the teen to focus on his "adults" converstaion with Usopp.

"So, you have room mate now, could we say? Whatever you do, don't get killed in your sleep. And don't let him eat your brain. Or anywhere, for that matter. Don't leave him alone so much, he might plan something. Wait, aren't we leaving him alone right now? What do we do? What do we do if he calls his alien friends!?"

"Calm down, idiot!" Sanji yelled while hitting the other on the head. "I told you he won't do anything, didn't I?"

"How can you be so sure?" Usopp cried. "I don't think he personally told you so."

"Of course not, you moron! Its just... We understood eachother... Somehow."

"I'll miss you if you die."

"I told you to shut up didn't I."


	4. labOr

"Oi! Wake up you lazy bastard and do labor for me!"

Sanji opened the curtains in Zoro's room and pulled off the blanket off of him for good measure.

"I won't let you stay here for free, you know. The least you can do is to be my personal maid." Sanji looked at the grumpy lump sitting on the bed and scratching his eyes and sighed.

"I wish you were a woman."

"No," said Zoro, his voice so stern it almost startled Sanji. It was good he's started to use words, but seriously, all the bastard ever did was to argue with him. Sanji pulled off the blanket off the green head with a sigh, who responded by throwing both arms in front of his face and grunting loudly.

"Nobody likes to work but we have to," Sanji said a teacherly manner, now folding the blanket carefully. Seeing the the green head motionless, Sanji lost his temper and his foot landed soundly on the alien's stomach.

"Can't you hear I'm telling you to wake up asshole!?"

Zoro let out a strangled sound and sat up immediatly, glaring daggers at the blonde man who was grinning proudly.

"Glad we can finally communicate."

Zoro just snorted.

After three and a half hours, Sanji finally decided Zoro wasn't made to be a maid.

In the first hour, he'd broke several of Sanji's favorite wine glasses and a handmade salad plate, all while trying to have breakfast. Sanji had yelled and kicked at the alien who seemed unaffected, and sent him off to mop around the house. Even that bastard couldn't harm anything while sweeping the floorboards right? Wrong. Only fifteen minutes later, Sanji was tracking down various scratches on his hardwood to find a snoozing green head cuddling the mop. scratches on his hardwood to find Zoro laying down on a couch and snoring, the mop thrown somewhere. Needles to say, he gained the scratches he made as several bruises on face.

The second hour before Sanji decided he should give up was even worse. Zoro discovered the existence of the matter "alcohol", and just as Sanji expected, he fell in love with it. Literally. While ignoring good tastes like wine, he turned to beer and to Sanji's very, very precious _sake_ , but apparently his stomach didn't enjoy his first meeting with the substance going overboard, and Zoro ended up throwing on the floor before Sanji rushed to his aid and guided him to the bathroom, where he had to sit down and rub Zoro's back for a good fifteen minutes. "Hey, come to think of it... You stink," Sanji said while wrinkling his nose. "Go take a shower, you'll feel better." Zoro raised his head like he'd just ben told to lift the entire universe with a single hand. "Shower," Sanji tried again, mimicking to wash his hair and chest. "You know, cleaning yourself and such?"

Zoro could have or could not have understood what Sanji meant, but he never got to learn because Zoro turned around to throw up the remaining food in his stomach. Sanji felt kind of sad remembering how hard he'd worked on today's casserole.

"Okay, you done?" Zoro nodded as Sanji gave his back a few more pats. Zoro stumbled around in the bathroom while Sanji flushed the toilet with an unpleasant expression. Zoro's cheeks were a little flushed and God, did he smell. Sanji once again wrinkled his nose and pushed the bulkier man into his small shower. Zoro took a few turns in the cramped space and hissed when Sanji turned the water on. The blonde was trying to adjust the water temperature from outside, but with Zoro's sluggish movements it was impossible to do so. Zoro was trying to escape from the water as much as he could, squeezing Sanji between the shower door and himself. Pushing the wet man off, Sanji this time aimed to turn the water off, but tripped as Zoro once again made an unexpected move, and the two men ended up sitting on one another as the now warm water sprayed over them. Sanji didn't even try to turn the water off.

"I'm not even mad anymore."


	5. no more of this earth, please

They were laying on the sofa when the TV began to buzz and the lights flickered, giving both of the half-dozing men a startle. Sanji was the first to actually wake up and didn't waste a second before groaning, his hand automatically flew to fondle with the remote buttons.

"Stupid gadgets… Causing nothing but trouble…"

As Sanji got up from the couch to fumble with the TV, the monitor regained its colours and Sanji almost fell back from surprise.

"Weaklings of the Earth, we do not come in a peace." A laugh which Sanji could only classify as bastardly echoed. Zoro, who'd been continiung his slumber cracked an eye open, and sat up instantly as his eyes met the TV. Sanji watched the green haired man with the corner of his eye, his main interest still the talking flamingo on TV.

"You know I'm talking to you," stated the pink flamingo. Sanji could feel Zoro tensing on his seat and a drop of doubt fell on his stomach. What was this? Was this Sanji's fault for letting the guy live...?

Pushing the bitter thoughts away, Sanji once more focused on the television.

"Bring it back to us, and we'll leave. If not, this rotten planet disappears, with you."

Zoro gripped on the couch and gritted his teeth so loud Sanji could hear it. Even if this stupid planet was to be destroyed, Zoro would never give them what they wanted. The alien could feel the blonde eyeing him, obviously waiting for answers Zoro would never give. After sitting in a deafening silence for a while, Zoro cursed and left the house.

Sanji didn't even try to stop him. He laid back on the couch, head falling into where Zoro was a second ago. He slowly lighted a smoke, closing his eyes with the first breath he released. He knew, he knew that Zoro was going to act like an hormonal teenager about this, like he did with everything. He'd act like he could actually do something, even tough he still entered women's bathroom in shops because apparently "blue" and "pink" were too hard to remember.

Sanji guessed the idiot would walk around and get lost before eventually coming back but his pride -and navigating skills, for that matter- wouldn't let him. The blonde had no enthusiasm to join an alien dog race, but he knew a certain someone who would drag them all in, no matter how much they protested against it. In fact, Sanji was surprised the ball of energy wasn't there yet. Hopefully he'd pick up the green bean on the way. Looking for him would be a drag.

* * *

Somewhere in the city Zoro didn't know, the green haired man huffed and kicked an innocent thrashcan. It didn't make sense! Even Zoro didn't know where he had landed, he didn't know how many galaxies he travelled or how long he'd been orbiting, yet the bastards had been quick, too ridiculously quick to find him. For once in his life he'd thought everything'd go the way he wanted, but that too had flipped Zoro off.

The thing the stupid bird thought Zoro had, and wanted, was a sword. Wadou Ichimonji, a beautiful sword with a white tsuka and saya, was thought to be the strongest sword in existence. It's previous owner was an utopic sword master, someone Zoro had always looked up to, and always will. An eternal rival, a friend, and most importantly, the only family Zoro'd ever known. Zoro knew they we she left could never be death by swords, but the way she'd gone was still unbelieveable. An accident so stupid shouldn't have taken away her life.

A loud beep broke Zoro's chain of thoughts. Raising his head, Zoro saw that he was in nowhere he recognized, and even worse, he couldn't understand the stupid earthling letters. Zoro squnited at the luminious signs, but the lettering didn't look anything like the one's at the curly's house. He knew that that stupid blonde was meagre. Stupid idiot.

_It doesn't matter,_ decided Zoro, it's not like he'd go back anyways. The sword he should have was gone and he had no idea to where to look for it. He didn't know why he didn't have it either. It should've been. Zoro sighed angrily.

Something distant called his name.

"-oroo!"

The green haired man turned around, eyes narrowed as he scanned the crowd. He easily detected somehting pushing through waves of people, some of them stepping away while some of them fell of the floor.

"Zorooo!"

Said guy was a second late to react. A red and black blur jumped on him full speed, making Zoro stumbled back and hit a street lamp, finally sliding down with an "oof".

"They called you, right?" he yelled in an obnoxious voice, earning a few stares around. Zoro's eyes slightly widened.

"You… see it... two?" he stuttered while pushing Luffy off himself. The raven nodded vigorously.

"Everybody did! You're famous now! Aaah, I want to have friends who come up on the TV too," Luffy pouted, but his childish glow returned one second later, "are you guys playing a game?"

"We're not friends," Zoro said hurriedly, his loathing apparent on his face. Reading the mood for once, Luffy's brows lowered.

"Are they people we need to beat up?"

"Not you. Me." Zoro said this time, and found his back collided with the street lamp once more.

"We're friends, right?"

Luffy spoke in a voice Zoro never heard before, a tone Zoro couldn't even imagine him using if he wasn't hearing it now.

"My pr-"

"We're friends, right!?" Luffy gripped on Zoro's -Sanji's- shirt harder, scaring off people around. "I'm your friend! Sanji's your friend! Everybody's your friend, right? Of course we'll help you! It's our world too!"

Zoro didn't reply but Luffy released him, taking a step back. "You can't stop us from coming anyway, we love adventure!" he said in usual tone. Zoro looked baffled from the sudden outburst and the fast return to his goofy nature, but nodded anyway.

"Where's Sanji?"

Zoro shrugged.

"I'm sure he's worried!" Luffy chirped then, pulling the protesting alien along. "Let's go see Sanji!"

Zoro swore never to return once he was done with this planet.


	6. poneglyph

"Sanji-kun?"

"Ah! How polite of you to call me, Nami-swan! Are you perhaps concerned about my well-being?"

"Yeah sure, why not," huffed Nami, giving the blonde on the other end a beam. "More importantly, Luffy told me something..."

Sanji's smile fell instantly.

"H- He did?" he replied, one brow starting to tick. "What did he say?"

"It's not like I believe it, I mean it's Luffy we're talking about, but still... Sanji-kun, by any chance, have got an alien living with you?"

Sanji hiccuped.

"W- What? There's no such thing! Do aliens exist anyway? Haha! Hahaha!"

"I thought you wanted them to," Nami said with a bored voice. "Anyway, is what Luffy said true? And don't you dare lie to me, Sanji-kun."

How could Sanji lie when his petite flower had told him not to, and called his name with that captivating angry tone? Sanji's hands patted around his trousers for a smoke, he'd need one after this call.

"Yes?" Sanji said, pushing his phone instinctively away, as delicate as his Nami-swan was, her voice was sometimes -all the time- too high.

The awaited high-pitch scold didn't come. Rather, Nami sighed and Sanji could feel her facepalming on the other end of the line. An apologetic smile formed on his face, altough Nami couldn't see it he hoped she felt his expression too.

"I don't know what to do with you guys anymore... Robin's here, she'll deal with your shenigans from now on."

Sanji laughed nervously and heard the phone change hands.

"Cook-san?"

"Ah, yes Robin-chan?"

"Could I please have the alien on the line?"

"The alien?" Sanji asked, "of course, but I'm afraid he doesn't understand much."

"That won't be an issue," Robin assured, and Sanji excused himself quickly to fetch the alien.

"Oi! Where are you?"

Zoro's head appeared in the hallway, a towel hanging off his head.

"Will you stop fucking around!?" Sanji yelled but remembering he had ladies who could hear him on the end of the line, he regained his posture in record speed.

"Come," he said and pulled Zoro when he didn't seem to move, sticking the phone to his hear. Zoro HOMURDANMAK as he took hold of the phone, his eyes obviously questioning Sanji.

"Alien-san?"

Zoro finally peeled his eyes off Sanji and fixed them on the ground. Sanji wanted to hit him for not answering to the lovely Robin-chan, but resisted the urge, because what would happen if Robin-chan heard an unpleasant sound of impact?

"May I learn your name?"

Zoro didn't reply again, causing Robin to chuckle. "Please?"

Zoro squinted for a second before turning to face Sanji again, pointing at himself.

"What?" mouthed Sanji but when Zoro stared at him with an emptier expression, he rolled his eyes and took the phone.

"I am afraid he's too stupid to know what you asked, Robin-chan," a kick to the shin, "would it be a problem for you if I answer, my lady?"

Robin chuckled again. "No, I just need to know his name and after that I'm sure we'll get along just fine."

"His name?" Sanji winced slightly as he remembered Zoro pointing at himself, but like hell he'd apologize to that algae.

"It's Zoro."

"Zoro? That sure is a very authentic name..."

"If Robin-chan says so," Sanji muttered, "shall put the lowlife on the line?"

"Yes, please."

Sanji handed Zoro the phone and continiued to wait for him turn around, once again lost in words.

But that didn't happen. In fact, he was sure Zoro had never looked more thoughtful than he looked right now.

Sanji leaned in and put his ear on the other side of the phone. Zoro didn't push him away, just the opposite he looked like he didn't even recognized Sanji's presence.

Sanji listened but he couldn't catch anything, but next to him the idiot was getting tenser by second. He heard Robin say one last thing in her nonchalant know-it-all voice and not a second after Zoro hung up loudly.

Sanji cursed and picked it up to call Robin back, how could the neanderthal do something like that? To a lady of all things? Was he that much of a neanderthal?

Robin picked up in an extremely cheery voice, getting Sanji slightly confused.

"Robin-chan?"

"Yes?"

"If you allow me to, I'd like to apologize for that idiot's rudeness."

"Idiot? Oh, no..." Robin laughed again.

"Say, Sanji-kun, is it alright if we come over?"

"Really!?" yelled Sanji, happines pouring out of his pores, "of course you can! I was waiting for this moment whole my life! I'll send off the idiot right away-"

"Oh no, he must stay," Robin objected, and spoke fastly before Sanji could protest. "We'll be there soon as possible."

"What should I coo-" Sanji started, but the line was long dead.

* * *

Robin appeared with Nami, Luffy and Usopp tailing behind her, her gloomy aura disturbed by a small smile.

"I'm glad you made it," Sanji said as he picked up the ladies' coats and shooed Usopp and Luffy away.

"Robin didn't speak a word why we're here," Nami said as he dusted her skirt and pulled a laughing Luffy with her to the living room.

"I apologize, but I think it would be better if I told this once and to everyone," Robin kindly took the glass of water Sanji offered and waited until he reappeared with the alien.

"I understand this gentleman is Mr. Zoro."

"He's no gentleman," Sanji huffed. Robin ignored Sanji's command and turned to Luffy.

"Have you been able to speak with him? You said he was a "very cool guy" if I recall."

"Zoro doesn't speak, but he seems to understand Sanji," Luffy said, causing Sanji to fluster.

"Don't make it sound like we have a special bond or something! Its disgusting!"

"I am starting to have suspicions," Nami snickered.

"Zoro-san does not come from another planet. He comes from another dimension. This dimension is named "The King", after a man, Gol D. Roger, who disappeared for over 30 years and came back to tell this tale about The King, where everything was the same but all different. He explained that he was thrown there by a clash of timelines, that somebody had brought him, and opened the doors to a whole new world. He said he became the "Pirate King" and was highly respected."

"He was obviously nuts! Who'd believe that?"

"Exactly. Nobody did. Not when he showed his bounty poster, not when he spoke a language nobody's ever heard before. Numerous theories were created, but soon the topic was discharged as they labeled him as crazy. I personally believe, and always have believed him, so I can confirm that Zoro-san indeed comes from the parallel dimension Roger had travelled."

"Robin, that's..."

"Robin-chan..."

"Zoro-san speaks the same language Roger fluently could. There is no doubt."

"No offense, Robin-chan, but have can you know that language?"

"Do you remember the Rio Poneglpyh, the one I always talk about?"

"Yeah, I always listen to you, Robin-chan!"

"The Rio Poneglyph tells the whole tale of Gol D. Roger's adventures, and there are poneglyphs scattered all around the world, giving hints at where it is. Of course, one of them allowed to learn the basics of The King's language, which is how I am able to communicate with Zoro."


	7. losing, more then on(c)e

"What did you do?" Sanji asked calmly while balacing his cigarette between his lips. "They seemed pretty keen on catching you."

"They're bad guys!" Luffy cut, his pinky finger placed in his left nostril. "Zoro didn't do anything wrong!"

"Like I'd believe that," Sanji muttered, earning himself a kick from Zoro who sat across. The trio were in Sanji's kitchen, after being dragged in by Luffy of course. Zoro had refused to meet Sanji's eye ever since they'd stepped in, so being acknowledged, even if it was by a kick, didn't piss Sanji off at all.

"Do we have to clean his diaper?" Sanji said in a mocking tone, and Luffy chuckled.

"Sounds fun, right?"

Sanji smiled weakly. "That still doesn't answer my question, what did you do?"

Zoro scratched his scalp, "I ran?"

"From them, yes I can see that, but why?"

Zoro seemed to hesitate to answer once again, taking big gulps from his drink and playing with his napkin. Luffy still looked at the swordsman like a puppy waiting for its command, which got Sanji slightly irritated.

"If you're not going to trust us, then this won't work in the first place. Not that I want to help you, that is," he added for good measure. A low sigh followed the blonde's huff and Zoro muttered illegitable things.

"Whazzat?" Luffy inquered, pushing his head in Zoro's comfort zone, "don't be so quiet, Zoro!"

"A sword," Zoro said.

"What?"

"A sword!" he yelled this time, sending unamused glres in Sanji's direction. The corners of the said guy's lips turned up.

"Doing smuggling, are you?"

"No!" Zoro roared then, and Sanji flinched slightly. Had he hit a nerve...?

"Do tell then," he said, reaching over the table to pry Luffy off the alien.

"Yeah Zoro!" urged, "you can trust us!"

Zoro didn't look convinced for a second and Sanji thought maybe he was just looking for another moment to make his escape one more time, but then the green haired man sighed and made some motions Sanji could only label as "nonsense".

"What?"

Zoro swinged his arms one more time, a tint of pink apparent on his cheeks. Sanji once more pushed the urge to laugh and casted a furtive glance at Luffy, who looked even more puzzled.

"Use words, Zoro," Sanji said, his own hands joining Zoro's motions. Zoro's brow ticked slightly, but he tried to speak nonetheless.

"Big knives…? Cutting…" he tried, bringing both arms over his head and down until his hands hit the table.

"Sword!" Sanji finally said. Luffy made an "Oooh!" sound, his interest perking up once more.

"Are you looking for a sword? Or do you have it?"

Zoro paused for a second. "I lost it."

Sanji snorted. "Well, maybe next time he should learn to hold onto it better."

Zoro silently threw a tomato at Sanji, managing to hit his neck clear. The blonde chef huffed annoyedly at the green head's antics, but let that one slip. He knew very well the meaning of losing something dear, and even an idiot like him could be cut some slack.

Sanji could feel the narrow black eyes on his back, but decided to ignore the goosebumps rising on his skin. Zoro shifted his not much later, watching the now covered in food Luffy with a small smile.

"So," Sanji began, earning Zoro's attention once more. "Do you have any idea where it could possibly be?"

"Uh," said Zoro, scratching his scalp. "No."

This earned him a sigh from Sanji and a "shi-shi-shi" from Luffy.

"Sanji!" said the energy ball, "maybe Robin knows!"

"I don't think even Robin-chan does this time, Luffy," Sanji replied. Blue eyes turned to Zoro with a desperate glare. "That's something he should know."

* * *

Luffy left soon after Sanji told him there was nothing they could do, although Luffy was still headed to Nico Robin to see if there was anything, anything she could do, or they could to help Zoro. Even a child-mind like Luffy could understand the seriousness of the situation, and the danger Zoro, no they were all in. And "they" weren't just the small group of friends Zoro made through Sanji, it was the whole world this time. Whoever these guys were, they were sure something the world had never seen, and naturally something they didn't know how to fight against. Could Luffy put against them and protect his _family_? He probably could, but the world was a bit of a problem. The straw hat turned the corner to Robin's house, a low tune playing on his lips. The echoes of his whistle made Luffy chuckle, and he continşued to laugh like a madman while he walked through the empty alley.

That night, Sanji witnessed Zoro in agony for the first time. He wasn't crying, but he might as well could be. Black eyes sparkled with anger and bloodlust, but even those weren't good enough to cover the guilt and sadness hidden. What had Zoro done? Where did he actually come from? Why was he even here? So many questions, but Sanji very well knew most of them would never be answered. Not by him, anyway.

But when he locked gaze with the bigger man, he didn't think of the times the green head had driven him crazy, but the first time they'd met, the confused and a little panicked eyes. "Even a tiger would be scared if a gun was pointed at him."

Sanji couldn't honestly say he understood the situation, because he didn't. How could he? The only reasom he believed this tale because it was Robin-chan who told it, and even that didn't stop Sanji from questioning his mental health at times.

So he stepped forward. He was face to face with World's #1 Enemy, but not a cell within his existence felt hatred towards him. Instead, he felt tired all around and sat down, his knee lightly touching the other man sitting.

"You okay?"

Zoro snorted, which Sanji took as "As if I could be, idiot."

"Yeah, I know."

Sanji didn't even need to look up to see Zoro glaring daggers at him.

"We'll... We'll do something about it for sure, so don't worry that much."

Zoro sighed before sinking deeper into the couch. Sanji followed his actions. He felt the short hairs tickling his cheek and the weight of Zoro's head on his shoulder not much later. He didn't know if the man did that on purpose or not. Hell, he didn't even know if Zoro was awake or not. All he knew was that he wanted to help Zoro, and he wanted to help him even if it meant the end of the world.


	8. 1500s

"Robin-chan, thanks for coming."

"Ah, no worries. I suppose we all want to help Zoro-san, is that right?"

A cheer from Luffy and a reluctant "Yes," from Nami were heard. Robin caught a glimpse of Usopp who was nodding furiously despite his knees shaking and Sanji looked so serious, Robin didn't think an answer was needed.

"Then here I go."

Zoro and Robin were guided into the kitchen because Robin insisted on not having too much crowd. She also had her little voice recorder with them, something everybody knew why it was for but decided not to voice it.

It took more than two hours. For over two hours, Robin and Zoro sat in Sanji's spacious kitchen, speaking an unknown language, making a progress humankind had never done before. Robin had once again proved she could never be overrated, and returned from the kitchen with a sulking Zoro.

"I spent an hour encouraging him to speak. He sure is a tough one, I can now see the hardship you went through, Sanji-kun." Sanji nodded in a playful manner, but for the first, and probably the last, he wanted Robin to use her velvety voice only for the main topic at hand.

"Did he spill the beans?" Nami asked, taking weight off Sanji's shoulders. Asking Robin to change topic was a heavy burden.

"I did," replied Robin, heading towards the couch. "We all should sit, perhaps? I'm sure Zoro-san would want to lie down for a while now."

Everyone sat down at Sanji's living room, Zoro doing God knows what somewhere in the house. Robin took a sip from her tea Sanji had prepared for her before clearing her throat one more time and beginning to explain.

"Zoro-san is indeed from a parallel timeline. The time flow in that dimension is slower than ours, and very much slower. I could explain you all the details but Luffy-kun already seems to be dozing off," Sanji kicked Luffy awake, "and I doubt you are interested. Just know that Zoro-san probably comes from the 1500's."

"WHAT!?"

"1500's!?"

"You are kidding me!"

"Robin-chan, is that even possibl-"

"Please let's all be silent." Robin furrowing her brows meant things were serious. Even tough her melancholic smile returned to her face not few seconds later, a-everybody knew they were in the danger zone for at least another hour. "May I continue?"

Four heads nodded simultaneously. Robin smiled a little wider.

"Zoro-san was a swordsman apprentice back then. The thing out TV-invader is looking for connects to this. Apparently, Zoro-san's childhood friend, Kuina-chan, was a legendary swordsman, strongest of the strongest Zoro-san says. He lost his friend in an unlucky accident, she's fallen down the stairs and sadly the impact has broken her neck. Zoro-san said that he believed it was an accident until a few months ago, but then he noticed the crowd, " _flies_ " he refers to them, flocking near their dojo. At first he thought it was to mourn Kuina or maybe people who wanted to learn the sword, but he said that when he saw that guy, the guy we've seen on TV approaching them, he first released the true intent. This guy, whom I learned is named "Donquixote Doflamingo", an underworld broker, and is after this sword. Zoro-san believes from his heart that Kuina-chan's soul still lives within the sword, that's why he escaped with it. He was on a pirate ship before they hit a rock and their ship sank, and all he remembers is opening his eyes and seeing you, Sanji-kun."

All the eyes in the room turned to Sanji. "W- What!?" spluttered the young man, his cheeks once again aflame. "It's nothing special! It could be anyone!"

"It sure isn't," Nami said, elbowing and even more laughing Usopp softly.

"The whole story and you're stuck up on this?" Sanji whined, and Luffy cut him off before he could complain more.

"Sanji's right! We're all unanimous on helping Zoro, right?"

"Right," replied Sanji.

"Yeah," said Nami.

"I don't see w- why not," muttered Usopp.

"Of course," giggled Robin.

_Luffy had one scary power,_ Sanji realized.


	9. omake

"Zoro."

"Zoro."

"Zoro."

"Wake up, you bastard!"

A foot collided with Zoro's stomach and the latter woke up with a sharp intake of air. Splurting nonsense, Zoro turned around and aimed to hit Sanji instinctively, and Sanji tch'ed when the tips of Zoro's fingers brushed his hair and a few strands landed over his visible eye.

"You sucked my house dry. The least you can do is to be my mule."

Zoro blinked before turning around to continiue his slumber.

"You shitty pig! Get your ass out of the bed and come with me!"

Zoro groaned as Sanji pulled the curtains, letting more sunshine in. He lit up a cigarette too, he normally hated to smoke inside but dealing with Zoro early in the morning wasn't something his nerves could handle. Way to start his day.

"We need to do some shopping Zoro, you and that energic partner-in-crime of yours have been devouring my stock faster than a small puddle evaporates in summer."

Zoro clicked his tongue at the complex words he didn't quite catch nor cared about, but he slung his legs off the bed and trailed behind Sanji to make him atleast shut up.

"You don't need to say or do anything, just hold the bags I hand- WHY ARE YOU GOING OUT ONLY IN BOXERS!?"

Zoro turned around with a geunine surprised look on his face, what was wrong now? There was seriously no way to make that curlybrow happy.

"I told you we were going out. What are you doing?"

Zoro pointed at the door and released a tired breath. Was this guy stupid? He was obviously about to go out, if not a certain idiot had stopped him.

"You can go around naked, Zoro," Sanji sighed. "I always tell you to wear pants and shirt at home but you keep ignoring me. I have no interest in your body," Zoro watched suspiciously as Sanji avoided eye contact. "Go get dressed, stupid!"

Sanji pretended not to hear the curses Zoro muttered with his limited vocabulary. With so little words he created so many different variations, it was almost impressive.

"You done?" Sanji knocked and entered the room. Zoro was sitting on the bed, unsuccessfully trying to put some socks on, but other than that Sanji had to admit Zoro had done more than he expected. Only his left arm wasn't in place.

He guided Zoro's arm to its proper place in the t-shirt and zipped his pants while he looked away. Zoro didn't seem affected by this, nor he shared the faint blush Sanji was desperately trying to hide, but he managed to flash smile as thanks.

The marketplace was somewhere Sanji could fall in love with. So many options and so many sellers, it blew his mind. The vegetables looked fresh and dewy, and the prices were acceptable too. Contrast to Sanji's flowery aura and happiness, Zoro walked slow and scowling. It was already hard to see where he was going because of all the things Sanji made him carry, but the blonde was still buying. Zoro remembered the smile he gave just before they left home for hell and winced. He'd gone out of his way to do something nice for that bastard, but there he was. Zoro decided to never smile again.

He wasn't sure, but it felt like they'd been there for atleast six hours. It was dark when they reached home, after stopping at various markets and shops, watching the blonde weigh and inspect everything the bought with more concentration than Zoro had ever given throughout his life. To food, of course.

The second he entered the house, Zoro dropped the bags to the ground, earning himself a scream from Sanji. While the blonde checked all of the items for any damage, Zoro strolled to his room and removed any and every clothing that felt itchy and tight in places it really shouldn't be. Tossing the ball of cloth to his given bed, Zoro returned to the hallway and sneaked a glance at Sanji who was now placing his goods in the refrigerator. Zoro threw himself to the couch in the living room, and slowly dozed off, uncomfortable, a little cold but very tired.

However, he did have a blanket on when he woke up.


End file.
